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We gave our kids only my husband’s last name. Years later I regretted it, so we changed them all to include mine.


Mom pushing stroller with three kidsThe author changed her kids’ names after regretting having given them just her husband’s last name.

Courtesy of the author

  • When my first child was born my husband and I decided to only use his last name. 
  • Years later, and after having two more kids, I regretted my decision and changed their names. 
  • I felt like I was being erased from their identity and our family. 

When my husband and I found out we were unexpectedly having a baby, we spent hours making lists of names. We wanted something that would be easy to say in both English and Spanish since I’m from Argentina and my whole family still lives there.

Once we settled on his first name, we then made a list of family names for his middle name. We landed on using my maternal grandfather’s name, who, despite never having met him, meant a lot to me.

But when it came to last names, I told my husband that I was OK following the tradition of kids having only the father’s last name. He asked me multiple times if I was sure, including at the hospital after I gave birth and before filing his birth certificate info.

Years later, and after having twins, I regretted my decision. I felt like I was erased from my children’s lives.

I didn’t change my name when we got married

When we got married, there was never a conversation about what my last name was going to be. Both my husband and I had very well-established careers, and neither of us was looking to change our name.

I practiced saying my first name with his last name once and laughed out loud because my first reaction was, “Who is that?” It felt weird to have any other last name than my Italian one.

I also felt like it would be such a pain to change all my emails and my social presence, and changing my name would make it harder for long-lost friends to find me. So we both carried on with our own names.

I grew our children with my own body

After our kids started going to school, and I started seeing things like clothing labels, email correspondence, or birthday invites with just my husband’s last name, I began to regret our decision to just use his name.

I felt erased.

I had done this incredibly hard task of growing three humans with my own body, and somehow, my husband was the one getting to continue his legacy. It felt so unfair.

When I brought it up to him, he laughed and said, “This is why I asked you so many times,” and together we decided that we were going to change our kids’ names to include my last name.

We gave them 2 last names

Back when we were choosing our first baby’s name, my problem with him having both of our last names was complex.

Our names don’t go well together when hyphenated, and I had heard from friends with hyphenated names that it can be cumbersome to include the character in visa applications and official documents.

We also wanted short names for our kids. We both have very long names; mine sometimes takes up all the characters allowed in paper applications.

We ended up choosing to give them two last names since they all already had middle names. That way, they can choose whether to go by one, or both, when they are older.

Changing their names was easy, but it was harder for them to understand why

The process to change their names was fairly easy since we are still married and all our kids live with us. We presented all the paperwork in court, and within days, the changes were approved without any hearings.

It was harder to get our kids understand why they now had different names. At first, my son rejected the idea of having a “new” name, but we gave him time to process it, and now he says he is proud to have both.

I underestimated how much I was going to care about the names of our kids, and as an only child, I’m glad I get to continue my family’s name through my kids.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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I spent a month doing the 8-minute phone call challenge, and it improved my relationships with my best friends


The author wearing a silver sparkly suit and leaning against a side table.Jen Glantz started doing the eight-minute phone call challenge with two of her best friends.

Courtesy Jen Glantz

  • I tested the eight-minute phone call concept to reconnect with two of my best friends.
  • The structured, quick calls helped me catch up with my friends despite my busy schedule.
  • We’ve kept up with the calls and still look forward to them every week.

For the past year, I haven’t been the greatest friend. I am a new mom who works full-time without any childcare. My days are jam-packed with work calls, deadlines, caring for my baby, and trying to sleep when I can. It often takes me two or three days to respond to text messages from friends, and I keep pushing off returning missed calls because I am tired.

Plus, most of my best friends don’t live in the same city anymore — they live all over the country. While it would be easier for them to stop by and catch up over coffee while the baby was napping, that isn’t an option. As time has gone by, there’s so much to catch up on that I’ve started to dread hopping on the phone with a friend because I know the call would last a few hours.

But still, friendship is deeply important to me, and I didn’t want to continue isolating myself during such a busy season of my life. I was desperate to find a solution. After doing some research on how to stay connected to friends who live far away, I read about a concept called the eight-minute phone call. The rules are simple. You text a friend and ask to set a time to talk on the phone for, yes, eight minutes. After the time is up, you set a date for the next conversation.

At first, I thought this concept was silly. How can two people possibly exchange enough information about their lives in such a short amount of time? But it sounded better than nothing, and I decided to give it a try. So for the month of February, I scheduled weekly eight-minute calls with two of my close friends, Sarah and Larissa.

The calls worked best when we structured our time wisely

On the first phone call with Sarah, we spent most of the time admitting how much we both missed each other and that we had so many updates to share. When the timer went off, we realized that we didn’t actually share any of those updates.

Before my first call with Larissa, I decided to give these short calls a structure. I told Larissa that we should spend the first two minutes talking about anything that came to mind. Then, Larissa would get the next two minutes uninterrupted to share updates, and I’d get the following two minutes to do the same. We’d use the last two minutes to ask follow-up questions and wrap up the call.

While this made the call feel more business-like, we were actually able to share important things about our lives. By the end of the month, it felt more natural. We knew what to expect when we hopped on the phone, and by the end of the eight minutes, we felt like we were walking away with a good sense of what was new in each of our lives.

It helped me to plan ahead of time what I wanted to share

When friends live far away, you miss out on so many details of their lives. I liked that these calls allowed for short updates, even if there wasn’t time for longer stories.

While Larissa and Sarah didn’t always come to the table with pre-planned topics they wanted to chat about, I often did. I would write out an agenda of two or three main things I wanted to share on the call with each person ahead of time, which helped me stay focused and make sure I wasn’t forgetting things I wanted to share.

One week, I talked about a big win at work, a new class I was taking the baby to, and a mom friend I made in my apartment building that I had a lot in common with. Having this list to go off of helped me feel productive on these calls.

These short calls made it easier to stay connected

Even though the calls often felt choppy and ended abruptly, since at the eight-minute mark, we’d say goodbye to stay true to experiment, even if we were mid-thought, they were a game changer for my friendships. Without them, I might speak to a friend once every six to eight weeks on an hourlong phone call, and there would just be too much information to share during that time. I felt like I was growing apart from a lot of these people because I wasn’t in tune with how their weeks were going in real time.

These phone calls took the place of longer calls, but also replaced the need for text message chats. It had became hard to find the time and energy to answer a friend who would ask how I was over text message, and I found it easier to save my energy for an eight-minute call instead.

Perhaps the biggest perk of these short calls was getting to hear the voices of my best friends. Toward the middle of the month, Sarah and I decided to make these video chats instead of voice chats. Getting to see or hear my friends was a treat and made connecting with them feel personal.

The experiment isn’t for everyone, but we’re continuing our weekly calls

At the end of February, I decided to ask two more friends if they wanted to give this a try. One friend said no because the shortness of the calls gave her too much anxiety. Another friend agreed, but when we reached eight minutes, she didn’t want to get off the phone and we ended up breaking the experiment and talking for an hour and a half.

I realized that these eight-minute phone calls aren’t a solution for every friendship. For them to work, both people have to be willing to stick to the timeframe and come prepared to share a few details during the call While I’m still doing longer catch-up calls every few weeks with some friends, I loved these shorter calls with Sarah and Larissa so much that we’ve continued doing them as-is — eight minutes, once a week.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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Starting a side hustle meant I worked more hours, but it actually cured my burnout. I now do it full-time.


Tayla Blaire in Morocco sitting on sand dunes wearing a black puffer jacket and beanie hat.Tayla Blaire’s side hustle has allowed her to fulfill her love of travel. She went to Morocco in 2023.

Photo credit: Lauren Melnick

  • I loved many aspects of my teaching job, but there were other things that made me feel burned out.
  • When my husband was unemployed, I decided to start a side hustle freelance writing.
  • I worked more and had less free time, but it cured my burnout. Now, I do it full-time.

Teaching is one of those professions that is often referred to as a “calling,” and I was indeed called to it. I loved my students and have remained in touch with many of them. I loved seeing them connect with the literature we studied, I loved watching their skills improve, and I loved that I could play a part in shaping their futures.

What I loved less about teaching was the early mornings, the extracurriculars, the additional lessons, and the seemingly endless mountain of papers to grade. English is a subject that requires substantial feedback and editing so students can understand where they went wrong and remediate for the next time. Sometimes that meant spending 20 minutes grading a single essay. When there are a hundred students to get through, those hours add up, and there are always multiple assessments each term. It’s just the nature of the profession.

After a few years of teaching, I burned out. Sadly, it’s an all-too-common reality for teachers. The quickest way to start an argument with me was to call teaching a half-day job, when nine hours daily was standard, excluding the hours spent grading papers and helping students with extra academic support.

I started freelance writing and had less free time than ever

A few years before the pandemic, I started freelance writing as a side hustle. It arose from necessity when my husband was unemployed and struggling to find work. I’d always been a good writer, so I started learning everything I could as quickly as possible so I could make money with my writing skills. I found my first client, who referred me to my second. Soon enough, I was fully booked.

Initially, my clients were local. Soon enough, they became international. I wrote web copy, blogs, and social media captions, and expanded from there. I learned to interview and started writing for publications I’d grown up reading. And I had less time than ever before.

I went from working 9-hour days to 14-hour days, but felt less burnout

I would teach for a full day, come home, grade some papers and then set up my laptop to begin writing well into the evening. I spent my weekends writing, and during long school vacations, I took on massive writing projects. My work days became 14 hours long. The little free time I had disappeared. And, counterintuitively, I felt my sense of burnout improving.

I was working harder and longer than ever before, but I had this feeling of lightness every time I sat down to write, no matter how exhausted I was from teaching. Freelance writing is certainly not easy, but I loved it. With writing, I could work from anywhere, often asynchronously, fitting it in whenever I had a gap. I could alternate between sitting, standing, and lying down, something doctors recommended during my recovery from a slipped disc — something impossible to do as a teacher. Most importantly, though, for the first time, my family had disposable income.

I decided to quit my teaching job and write full-time

My side hustle took away my free time, but it gave me something I never realized I was missing: choice. I was able to nurture a passion and create an income from it, while still supporting my family at my day job. I could choose whether to stay in teaching or go full-time with writing. I was able to wait until the right time to make the switch.

As a full-time writer, I get asked how I made it happen. So, I decided to continue teaching, albeit in a different capacity. Now I help people start side hustles so they can also write their way out. I miss teaching high school, but I love the life I’ve created. Side hustles might compromise your free time, but they have the possibility of delivering more than you can imagine.

There are plenty of suggestions out there for curing burnout — I’d never have guessed starting a side hustle was one of them.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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Trump heads to first criminal trial ever of a former US president



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In photos: Iran’s attack on Israel



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VOA Newscasts


Give us 5 minutes, and we’ll give you the world. Around the clock, Voice of America keeps you in touch with the latest news. We bring you reports from our correspondents and interviews with newsmakers from across the world.

The post VOA Newscasts first appeared on The News And Times.

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Oregon city asks US Supreme Court: Can homeless people be fined for sleeping outside?


GRANTS PASS, Oregon — A pickleball game in this leafy Oregon community was suddenly interrupted one rainy weekend morning by the arrival of an ambulance. Paramedics rushed through the park toward a tent, one of dozens illegally erected by the town’s hundreds of homeless people, then play resumed as though nothing had happened.

Mere feet away, volunteers helped dismantle tents to move an 80-year-old man and a woman blind in one eye, who risked being fined for staying too long. In the distance, a group of boys climbed on a jungle gym.

The scenes were emblematic of the crisis gripping the small, Oregon mountain town of Grants Pass, where a fierce fight over park space has become a battleground for a much larger, national debate on homelessness that has reached the U.S. Supreme Court.

The town’s case, set to be heard April 22, has broad implications for how not only Grants Pass, but communities nationwide address homelessness, including whether they can fine or jail people for camping in public. It has made the town of 40,000 the unlikely face of the nation’s homelessness crisis, and further fueled the debate over how to deal with it.

“I certainly wish this wasn’t what my town was known for,” Mayor Sara Bristol told The Associated Press last month. “It’s not the reason why I became mayor. And yet it has dominated every single thing that I’ve done for the last 3 1/2 years.”

Officials across the political spectrum — from Democratic Gov. Gavin Newsom in California, which has nearly 30% of the nation’s homeless population, to a group of 22 conservative-led states — have filed briefs in the case, saying lower court rulings have hamstrung their ability to deal with encampments.

Like many Western communities, Grants Pass has struggled for years with a burgeoning homeless population. A decade ago, City Council members discussed how to make it “uncomfortable enough … in our city so they will want to move on down the road.” From 2013 to 2018, the city said it issued 500 citations for camping or sleeping in public, including in vehicles, with fines that could reach hundreds of dollars.

But a 2018 decision by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals changed the calculus. The court, whose jurisdiction includes nine Western states, held that while communities are allowed to prohibit tents in public spaces, it violated the Eighth Amendment’s ban on cruel and unusual punishment to give people criminal citations for sleeping outside when they had no place else to go.

Four years later, in a case challenging restrictions in Grants Pass, the court expanded that ruling, holding that civil citations also can be unconstitutional.

Civil rights groups and attorneys for the homeless residents who challenged the restrictions in 2018 insist people shouldn’t be punished for lacking housing. Officials throughout the West have overstated the impact of the court decisions to distract from their own failings, they argued.

“For years, political leaders have chosen to tolerate encampments as an alternative to meaningfully addressing the western region’s severe housing shortage,” the attorneys wrote. “It is easier to blame the courts than to take responsibility for finding a solution.”

In Grants Pass, the town’s parks, many lining the picturesque Rogue River, are at the heart of the debate. Cherished for their open spaces, picnic tables, playgrounds and sports fields, they host everything from annual boat-racing festivals and vintage car shows to Easter egg hunts and summer concerts.

They’re also the sites of encampments blighted by illegal drug use and crime, including a shooting at a park last year that left one person dead. Tents cluster along riverbanks, next to tennis courts and jungle gyms, with tarps shielding belongings from the rain. When the sun comes out, clothes and blankets are strung across tree branches to dry. Used needles litter the ground.

Grants Pass has just one overnight shelter for adults, the Gospel Rescue Mission. It has 138 beds, but rules including attendance at daily Christian services, no alcohol, drugs or smoking and no pets mean many won’t stay there.

Cassy Leach, a nurse, leads a volunteer group providing food, medical care and other basic goods to the town’s hundreds of homeless people. They help relocate their tents to comply with city rules.

At one park last month, she checked on a man who burned his leg after falling on a torch lighter during a fentanyl overdose and brought him naloxone, the opioid overdose reversal medication. In another, she distributed cans of beans, peas and Chef Boyardee mini ravioli from a pickup truck.

“Love, hope, community and a safety net is really as important as a shower and water,” Leach said.

Dre Buetow, 48, from northern California, has been living in his car for three years after a bone cancer diagnosis and $450,000 in medical bills. The illness and treatment kept him from returning to his old tree-trimming job, he said.

Laura Gutowski’s husband died from a pulmonary embolism and she suddenly found herself, in her 50s, with no income. They didn’t have life insurance or savings and, within a month, she was sleeping outside in the city she grew up in.

“I used to love camping,” she said through tears. “And now I can’t stand it anymore.”

Volunteers like Leach came to her rescue. “They’re angels,” she said.

But some residents want to limit aid because of the trash left behind after encampment moves or food handouts. The City Council proposed requiring outreach groups to register with the city. The mayor vetoed it, laying bare the discord gripping Grants Pass.

Before the council attempted, unsuccessfully, to override the veto last month, a self-proclaimed “park watch” group rallied outside City Hall with signs reading, “Parks are for kids.” Drivers in passing cars honked their support.

The group regularly posts images of trash, tents and homeless people on social media. On Sundays, they set up camp chairs in what they say is a bid to reclaim park space.

Brock Spurgeon says he used to take his grandkids to parks that were so full it was hard to find an available picnic table. Now, open drug use and discarded needles have scared families away, he said.

“That was taken away from us when the campers started using the parks,” he said.

Still, Spurgeon said his own brother died while homeless in a nearby city, and his son is living in the parks as he struggles with addiction. Once, he said, he realized with shock that the homeless person covered with blankets that he stepped past to enter a grocery store was his son.

“I miss my son every night, and I hold my breath that he won’t OD in the park,” Spurgeon said.

Mayor Bristol and advocates have sought to open a shelter with fewer rules, or a designated area for homeless people to camp. But charged debates emerged over where that would be and who would pay for it.

While support for a designated campground appears to be growing, the problem remains: Many homeless people in Grants Pass have nowhere else to live. And some advocates fear a return of strict anti-camping enforcement will push people to the forest outside town, farther from help.

Even if the Supreme Court overturns the 9th Circuit’s decisions, Bristol said, “we still have 200 people who have to go somewhere.”

“We have to accept that homelessness is a reality in America,” she said.

The post Oregon city asks US Supreme Court: Can homeless people be fined for sleeping outside? first appeared on The News And Times.

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Shot: арестован нападавший на женщин «кислотный» маньяк из Подмосковья


Мужчину отправили в СИЗО на два месяца.

The post Shot: арестован нападавший на женщин «кислотный» маньяк из Подмосковья first appeared on The News And Times.

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AI Industry Reshaping the Future: The Growth of Artificial Intelligence Investments – yTech


The post AI Industry Reshaping the Future: The Growth of Artificial Intelligence Investments – yTech first appeared on JOSSICA – The Journal of the Open Source Strategic Intelligence and Counterintelligence Analysis.


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AI can be a business ally or disruptor – Star Tribune


The post AI can be a business ally or disruptor – Star Tribune first appeared on JOSSICA – The Journal of the Open Source Strategic Intelligence and Counterintelligence Analysis.