For 15 years I read the books, took the courses and downloaded the apps to try to become a better person. None of it helped
I was in my mid-20s when I fell into one of the most toxic relationships of my life. I remember buying my first self-help book, which promised I could be healed of anything if only I banished my limiting beliefs. I devoured it in days and even though I was still the same depressed, broke, single mother I had been when I picked up the book, that didn’t matter. I was hooked.
Over the next 15 years, I bought hundreds of self-help books, courses and apps, and tracked down every self-styled personal improvement guru on TikTok and YouTube in the hope that they could teach me how to become happier, more confident and more lovable. I internalised messages, such as: “Stop being a victim to take back your power.” I even dipped my toe into manifesting and hypnosis: “Start thinking you are slim and healthy even though you probably need to lose a few pounds and have a chronic health condition.”
Emily Goddard is a production subeditor at the Guardian and a freelance writer